No matter what..

No matter how much i try to hate you, I still cannot..
Sometimes the nothingness of the night compels me to call you, but i don't know what stops me..
probably i have lost all the possible optimism..

a good a day

Twenty two years of life taught me to be kind to people, came across so many ups and downs, good for me as an experience. Grandfather passed away when I was in 8th, just 60 years old. First time witnessed death so closely and probably it was the first time I realised what life really is.
I still remember my grandfather’s specs lying idle just after few moments of his death and then I realised how useless the things are, forget about anything else, even a specs so close to a person becomes a stranger just after few moments of the departure of our soul, what else should we expect. Its two years now when my maternal uncle passed, cancer killed him-just my father’s age, of around 45, left a widow wife and three daughters alone, the eldest then just in class 8th, youngest don’t even understood what all happened and she still believes that her father is alive. I still remember my uncle probably the smartest and most dynamic personality I have ever witnessed, when he used to go down for evening walk at jasola, females used to envy him.
Just followed by that another uncle of the same age died of brain tumour, leaving a son and the only child alone with his mother, and the very recent one, just few days back I heard another relative of mine died leaving four children alone. The eldest just about to complete his engineering, but unfortunately dropped the last paper to see his dad for the last time in life.
Everyone of us make beautiful plans every now and then, we are busy with all the planning’s we can do about all the possible things in this world - best job, best car, billionaire, send my parents on vacation around the world, to host a big fat Indian wedding for the two beautiful sisters I have got and to marry the medical girl whom I love the most knowing the fact that she takes me just as any other friend of her.
We make plans and suddenly a day comes when every plan looks obnoxious. They say the economies of the world is witnessing great depression, far more severe then that of the 1930’s, but I think everyday somewhere, someone is facing a great depression in his/her life. But still they are optimistic, recently met the great JESSE JACKSON Sr., out off all the things he said I remember only four words – ‘HOPE IS THE WEAPON’
When I look at all the uncertainties of life I think what if I am the next tomorrow, what if the so called great depression hits me tomorrow, what if am dead tomorrow leaving all the plans unfulfilled and unaccomplished, realising this, I think why not do at least one good in a day to at least one person. Since my realisation, I just search for a way through which I can contribute to someone’s life no matter how small it is. So that when I die tomorrow I don’t regret for all my unaccomplished plans. I might not fulfil my plans but I would be happy that I became a part in fulfilling someone else plans. That’s all man; this satisfies me and makes my day.
It was just the other day that I came across a beautiful article in readers digest and it emphasized upon saying hallo to at least five people everyday, it makes you feel good. I followed the wonderful advice and instead of five people I try to say hallo to all the people I come across each day.
Here at my university people come from 95 different countries, but the amazing thing is that they all think the same, they all are human like anyone of us and have the same desires and wishes, sometime I find someone tensed about something, someone missing his wife, someone missing his daughter, someone missing his mother, someone his girlfriend, someone sad about their grades, someone sad about something or the other. Of the little people I know, I go to them and I sit with them and try to be as much funny as I can, without asking them about their problem, I just start my own jokes, my own unrealistic and funny philosophies about life and I speak until I don’t get to hear a loud laughter from my fellow mate, what else I need man, a few moments of happiness in someone’s life because of my insanity- I do not mind.
People ask me what makes you so cool all the time, never sad, always smiling and kidding around. They say that zohaib’s life is perfect, he does not have anything to bother about and that’s what keeps him happy and energetic all the time. What should I reply or say to this, I think, if even bill gates who has all the beautiful things that this world can offer is really happy or not?
They ask me how do you manage to be happy all the time, I am not sure about the perfect answer but the only reply I give is that I try to lock my sadness in my room, everytime I leave it, I lock it inside. I give it a ring when am alone coz I need a companion to talk to.
You know what, enough of writing I guess, you are bored now like me, enough of zohaib’s illogical talking, so let me talk something logical and end my story in a lighter note.
You know what, now I realise that I only talk big. The real reason why I stay cool all the time is because; this attitude attracts female attention-22 years of experience people.
I think, will I be kind enough to keep implementing these nice things that I penned down just now? Let me think about it, and to do that I think I should signoff for now.

my life..

My life is not mine
My life is for my parents who are the reason for my existence
My life is for the people
It is for the humanity
For all these years I thought about my aspirations
But now I realise how materialistic I was
My aspirations are not mine
My aspirations are the people’s aspirations
The aspiration of every needy people I come across
For me Success is about to have ‘n’ number of BMW’s
But it is now that I realise that success is beyond BMW’s
For me it is a nominal success
A real success is about earning people.
It is about acting as a catalyst in every needy people’s life
It is about fulfilling the needs and aspirations of every single people I come across
My aspirations are my dreams and it gives me sleepless nights
It makes me loose my appetite
Probably because I want it very fast, I want it too soon
I lack patience
People tell me, I’m over ambitious
And I think they are right
I’m overambitious because there is too much to be done and I have such a short lifespan.
A very long way to go
I can’t see the three arms of my clock stopping ever.
How can I stop myself?
There is a lot to be done and I have so less time
Want to earn the resources and start fulfilling the aspirations of my people
The aspirations of humanity
Want to be a billionaire to fulfil billion people’s aspirations
--To remove billion people’s hunger
--To give billion people employment
My life is not mine
It is yours
I don’t want all this for the sake of recognition
For the sake of respect
And I don’t want to be a saint
Nor heaven is the reason
I want all this because I like it

friendship..

A Transformation
Then
“I hate you” (Innumerable times)
Now
“I miss you”
“I miss you so much”
Then
You used to talk about everything under the roof sometimes outside it also.
Now
You don’t talk to me about anything, you just keep on saying
“I miss you”
“Come back”
Then
“Please don’t go”
Now
“Study hard and come back soon”
“Will slap you if results are not good”

Things I don’t get to witness anymore
Don’t get to be referred as “Zo” anymore
Probably you are the only girl who calls me by that name.
Don’t get to see “Sachi calling” any more, Vodafone people lost their potential customer, isn’t it? [;)]
Used to charge my cell phone twice a day
Now I charge it once in two days
Fighting about small-small things everyday both in college and at NFC [;)]
Calling me ‘fattu’ n number of times coz of **** stuff.
Waiting together at our college car parking after the class until your stupid psycho friend comes and picks you up
I’m sorry, I didn’t wished good bye properly the last time we met.
And that surely calls for a meeting very soon, isn’t it? [;)]

Thanks to both of you for giving me so much of space in just three months of my Masters at Jamia.
It was the best days of my Life.
And it’s never gonna come back again unless both of us enrol for PhD. in Economics sometime [;)]
But unfortunately you will be married by then [;)]
Spent only three months of my life with you all, but was so comfortable from day one
Never hesitated to talk about anything.

Do remember and miss me always, I should not say this rather don’t miss me much, I will be back very soon.
But I don’t know how soon this soon will be [;)]
Wish you all the very best for everything

an advice..

Once we are in love we should never complain about anything.
Rather we should accept the fact that it was our mistake that we fell in love with someone who does not give a damn about all this.
People accept the fact that you made a mistake, she didn’t ask you to love her and it’s only you who is going to suffer for the rest of your life.
We should try to learn from this and try to overcome from all this rather then complaining..

an encounter with a spirit..(unedited)

Few days back after meeting my friend, I took the LRT from KLCC around midnight to get back to my university.

I entered the train and luckily got a seat, sat there and bent my head down facing the floor of the train to allow my hair to come onto my forehead so that I can arrange them. The minute I rose back and sat normally I saw a beautiful green eyed female sitting just in front of me and smiling on me rather on the way I did the whole stuff.

I felt a bit uncomfortable but still I smiled back.

I was very tired to continue staring at her, though she was very attractive, as you all know Bosnians are very good looking.

Without bothering about her I just closed my eyes to grab some sleep on the LRT itself.

A moment later i heard a voice

“Excuse me”

I said “yes”

“If you don’t mind can I sit here”

I said “yes-yes of course you can”

I shifted a bit to allow her to sit.

She was the same girl who laughed at me few seconds back.

I didn’t wanted her to laugh at me again so instead of making any effort to talk to her

I just closed my eyes again and tried to avoid any conversation with her.

A moment later she said “good silky hair you have got.”

I said “thanks for the complement though it never stays at its place, always untidy.

She said “but it looks good and especially the way you try to arrange it every time in your own strange way.”

Both of us laughed.

We didn’t converse for around two minutes.

I was still wondering what made her to laugh at me In the first place and then she changed her seat and came to sit just beside me.

Suddenly she asked me “why are you so sad”

I said “what”

She said “yes the moment you entered the train you just grabbed the seat and closed your eyes, as if you are not at all cared about who all are around you.”

I said “I’m not sad its just I’m tired or it might be coz of my untidy hair.”

She said “are you sure?”

I said “yes 100%”

She continued and said “it looks you don’t like talking much with strangers.”

I said no “it’s nothing like that, It’s just I don’t speak much, I’m not scared of strangers at all”

She smiled and asked me “don’t you think you keep quiet because you miss your girlfriend.”

I said “I don’t have any girlfriend.”

She said “what?”

I said “Yes, I don’t have any girlfriend”

She said “than for whom do you write”

I got amazed and desperately asked her

“Write what?”

She said “I’m a blogger too and I came across yours recently”

Hearing this more than hundred questions came to my mind but out of all of them

I asked her “how did she find my write ups?”

She said “its good, full of emotions.”

I said “yes, I have become an emotional fool.”

She interrupted me and said “No dude; whatever you have written there looks to me very true and honest.

I said “thanks for acknowledging it.”

She teasingly said “so you don’t miss your girlfriend?”

I said “she’s not my girlfriend yet”

“She has not said yes to me yet, she says she needs sometime.”

“So that is what makes you stay quiet all the time”

I said “No, not at all”

She asked me “Are you sure?”

I said “Yes, it’s just I miss her more than I should”

She smiled and raised her right hand to put it over my right wrist and she said “don’t be sad boy rather thank God; he has been very kind to you.”

I said “what?”

“Yes, He gave you what you wished”

I said “I don’t think so.”

She held my hand tighter and said

“God has been very kind to you and try to thank him always”

“You always wanted not to waste anytime as far as your career is concerned, you are so young and you are in masters so soon.”

“You always wished to do your MBA from abroad and God gave you the opportunity to come here and study without dropping a year.”

I stayed mum and kept wondering about many things.

I didn’t dared to think of a reply.

She continued and said “life is very short my friend, try to enjoy every moment of it.”

“Enjoy your MBA and enjoy the stay here.”

“God has been very kind to you all through, thank him every time and keep the hope alive.”

“He has given you so much already; he will give you more in the future too.”

“Have faith on him and keep thanking him.”

“Everything will be fine in the future too”

“You are worried about your grades, and you are not confident about your love.”

“Have some patience dude, everything will be fine as it has been always.”

I didn’t spoke anything for the last couple of minutes, i can feel her extra soft hand over mine which was very warm and I kept staring at her coz I was totally amazed about whatever she said and whatever she was about to say.

Before I can come back to my senses she got up from her seat, actually both of us got up from our seats, she said “got to go boy, you are a very nice guy but you don’t want to express much of your emotions to the world coz you hate the idea of being called weak-a very long way to go”

Both of us shook hands and I desperately asked her if I can have her no.

She smiled as if that’s the most idiotic question I have ever asked, suddenly she came close to me for a hug and she whispered into my ears “happy ’09! Lucky for you”, she kissed on my cheek and rushed out of the train.

I stood unmoved on the train and kept looking at her trying to catch the last glimpse of her which I would not get to witness for the rest of life.

Its days now since I had that encounter.

I call it a spirit coz I don’t know how did she knew so many things about me.

How come out of so many bloggers on BlogSpot, she came across my blog and how come she recognised me on the LRT, though I have my pictures on the blog but still how is it possible.

I do agree that there is a beautiful word called co-incidence but I find it very difficult to call this meeting a coincidence, it’s so strange.

I have not discussed about this incident with anybody and I’m not sure if I should.

I’m still unsure about who she was.

Was she on the LRT just to tell me all this?

Out of all the analysis I have done about the incident I call her a spirit, most of you would not agree, even it’s difficult for me to digest.

But whatever you call her or whatever she was, she was very true about whatever she said about me, I now realise why she referred to number ’09.

I can still feel the warmth of the hug she gave, the warmth of her lips on my cheek, all this made me feel as if we are not going to meet ever again.